I’ve become better at predicting the future or should I say, plotting out what might happen based on a choice I’ve made. I’ve developed this through trial and error. Thankfully, many of my poor choices occurred when I was young and I had time to repair them. That’s not the case for an old friend. He knowingly made one terrible choice many years ago and has been paying for it ever since.

Now, before I extrapolate on his poor choice, I’d like to add that planning who you want to spend your life with counts as a choice. Based on our nation’s divorce rate, half the country has trouble selecting their perfect mate. This isn’t necessarily a problem since divorce can resolve this, but it’s costly just the same.

For our poor friend, before he ever married his wife, he knew he shouldn’t. He made comment after comment about how “crazy” she was almost right up to their wedding. Sadly, a few years later, they split up shortly after having a child together. But that was just the beginning of his woes. Her crazy tendencies have made his life a nightmare; fighting over the child, expecting half his salary, not wanting to work, dragging out the divorce. I’m still not sure they’re officially “divorced” and it’s been 5 years. His poor choice is something he’ll live with at least until his child is 18, maybe older.

Poor choices can come in many forms, but divorce is one that can last many years, especially if a child is involved, and can cause havoc on one’s finances. I’m not an authority on how to reduce expenses in a divorce, but if two people can come to an agreement and be civil to one another through the proceedings, I’m guessing it produces a better outcome than fighting the whole way through.

Perhaps there’s no one way to reduce the divorce rate, but thinking logically about your relationship and making sure you are compatible for the long haul might help. I’m eternally grateful for choosing my spouse. I can’t say I thought logically at the time of my marriage, but we dated for a few years before hand and knew we were compatible. We enjoy spending time together and have a healthy relationship. I’m not sure what drove our friend to marry the girl he thought was “crazy”, maybe he didn’t know how to break up with her or thought he was getting too old and it was the logical next step, but I’m guessing he’s learned a hard lesson.

Have you gone through an expensive divorce or know someone who did?

10 Comments

  1. No divorce nor do I plan on it 🙂 I have seen quite a few friends go through the process and it’s sad when it happens so close to you, especially if you went to their wedding. In some cases, you go to the wedding kind of expecting that ‘this isn’t going to last’ but in other cases it comes as a shock when you hear the news.

    • @Money Beagle – We’ve been fortunate that not that many of our friends have gotten divorced, even the unions that seemed a little shaky. Yet, two of our friends have divorced; one was a complete surprise and the other no so much. I’m very thankful for my own relationship!

  2. You don’t have to marry someone to have your life with them be a terrible mistake.

    One of the first home buyers I counseled has terrible credit because her boyfriend stole her identity to apply for credit cards and a student loan. His family convinced her not to file a police report if they’d pay some of the debt he incurred.

    Unfortunately, the lack of a police report hurt her when she wanted to buy a house. No one accepted her bad credit as related to fraud without it.

    I was able to help her buy a home eventually. But it involved lots of stress and many tears.

    The good news is that most of our bad choices aren’t fatal and she has been able to put this bad choice behind her. I hope the same happens for your friend.

    • @Pamela – That’s terrible! Thankfully that boyfriend experience didn’t ruin her chances of owning a home. And yes, most bad choices aren’t fatal, but some can linger much too long!

  3. Yeah, divorce is the ultimate emotional and financial disaster. And it is so much harder when kids are involved. I also think it sort of sneaks up on people since I know two sets of friends that were fine until they weren’t. I hope our communication skills keep Mr. BFS and me together for the long haul.

  4. A good friend married a problem. Had a child and divorced said problem. Problem has cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years in attorneys fees, ad litem, court costs, psychiatric counseling, etc etc so you definitely don’t want to marry crazy.

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