Money Talk

Last summer my sister got married and all of my own wedding memories came flooding back to me; the evening ceremony, the dancing, and the great time I had with my guests. I had just as much fun at her wedding as I did my own.

But it also reminded me of how financially unprepared we were as young adults. Though I feel much more confident that my sister has a handle on her finances, I remember how my husband and I struggled financially those first couple of years. We didn’t have a budget, didn’t bother to “balance” our accounts or keep track of the bills. Regretfully, we had to learn the hard way by piling up debt then figuring out a plan to dig ourselves out. Life would have been much simpler if we had gotten off on the right foot.

One way to do that is to sit down before hand and talk about money. Just opening up about how you feel about it, how much you want to make, and your thoughts finances is a great first step. It can lead to much needed conversations regarding bank accounts, budgeting, and who’s going to pay the bills. Using a budget calculator can help you figure out how much you have.

Money is often a topic that can lead to arguments and is a leading cause of divorce. Not surprising given the fact that it’s almost as taboo as the discussion of sex in casual conversations. It appears that things that aren’t discussed openly often lead to misinformation and embarrassing mistakes.

Simple discussion starters can help ease the chances of arguing. Here are a few to start with:

• Start positively and keep it short. Take out all of your account information and say, “Hey, why don’t we look at this together for 30 minutes and discuss how to divvy up our income to pay our bills.” It helps to set a timer to keep it short, especially if there is a chance of bickering. When the timer goes off, you’re finished for the time being. Schedule another time to continue and allow each other to absorb the conversation.
• Make it fun. Some couples actually like discussing finances. One way to create a playful mood is to make a game out of it. For instance, the first one to pay off their credit card balance gets to take the other one out to dinner (or vice versa, but the one still paying off their debt may not feel very generous. J ). Create a chart and color it in as you get closer to your goals. Reward yourselves as you meet milestones.
• Become each other’s cheerleader. If one of you is saddled with debt and the other is debt free, become that spouse’s cheerleader and support them. Encourage them to pay off their balance, reward them with a candle light dinner when they get past a milestone, and help them pay if off by sitting down together and figuring out how much each of you can contribute to be rid of that vacuum called debt.

There are some terrific resources out there to help young couples open up about their finances and get them in order. For additional information, be sure to check out 10 Ways Budgeting Saved My Marriage.

How did you discuss the topic of money with your relationship?